Here's to You: The Best Thing Today! Awards

Vacation Declaration:

2009-06-01T07:08:00.000-07:00

Behold! This place earns a big ol’ fat Best Thing Today Award like, 10 times over. Go take a look at the website and ask yourself why you don’t have what it takes to own a condo here. (Answer: Money) For the record, your humble judge doesn’t have what it takes either. I just happen to know someone who does.

During our stay here we encountered these guys who get a huge thumbs down:

Now, I’m sure everyone understands why jellyfish made the list of fail. I got stung, that’s why. Did you know that when you get stung by a jellyfish, the pain isn’t exactly blinding (unless you’re allergic I would imagine) but the barbs it shoots into your skin make it feel like it has wrapped its mighty tentacles around you and won’t let you go unless you apply significant bodily force? Yeah. I didn’t. I had to lift my foot clear out of the water because I was certain it was going to take all four of us to dislodge that foul creature. Not only had it already taken off to avoid my wrath, but my foot looked completely fine, making me look like a big fat liar. Only a few hours later did the awful red bumps emerge. Unexpected plus: Jellyfish stings are not as awful as I expected. Not quite as awful anyway.

So why do beach crabs make the list? Because these little buggers come out on the beach by the hundreds of thousands at night, plotting the destruction of mankind, that’s why. Seriously, the Best Thing Today crew went out at night hoping to secure some pictures of nesting sea turtles for our (few) readers (we didn’t) and instead stumbled upon a massive crustacean conspiracy. By the dim light of our flashlights, fighting hysterics, we lurched our way home from the darkest point of the beach, dodging these eight-legged freaks who kamakazied across our path. Every so often, a large crab would come up from the sand directly where we were about to put our feet, trying to sabotage our efforts. Watch out for the crabs, everyone. One day when we have our backs turned, BAM! They will rise up and crush our inferior, pincherless species.

And on that thought,

Pseudo Post

2009-05-22T19:46:00.000-07:00

The Best Thing Today is that as of 6:30 PM my vacation started.

I'm pretty sure that's going to be the Best Thing Today until Sunday the 31st.

Perhaps my crew and I will make some sort of photographic record of all the nonsense that ensues. You will love it.

Super Special Hitler’s Birthday Edition:

2009-04-20T20:40:00.000-07:00

Let’s all take a moment to remember why we don’t let people with drug addictions and personality disorders run a country.

That’s why.

Just because someone likes to yell a lot and has a funny mustache doesn’t mean you should trust them. Actually, I usually find that both those things usually indicate you should do quite the opposite. It's one or the other, people. Not both.

Shameless Promotion #1:

2009-04-20T20:39:00.001-07:00

Well, it’s been just over a week since we’ve declared a Best Thing Today! and not for lack of trying. It’s just that hard to find something to celebrate while you’re busting tail on a paper. Shocking as it may sound, life outside of the blog-o-sphere is a harsh and cruel mistress. Much like the moon. (+10 if you get the reference.)

Like it or love it, today’s Best Thing Today! award is going to be a shameless personal shout out.

So, on Sunday afternoon I had a super free ticket to go see the Metropolitan Opera’s “Audition” at the movie theater. There were many conflicting reports from acquaintances about what exactly I was going to see, but I had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with the Met Council Auditions, and right I was.

I have known a few different people that have auditioned at this particular competition, but as far as I know, only one person I know has made the semi-finals. While I was aware of this person’s achievement when I went to see the movie, I was NOT aware that she was IN THE MOVIE.

We’re sitting there in the movie theater and all of a sudden I have one of those audible fits I am subject to and I blurt out “Hey! I know her!”

Miss Cléona Torres made the semi-finals of the Metropolitan Council Auditions in 2007, and bless her heart, there she was on the screen! If you know me personally, you can probably visualize me sitting there in the theater tearing up with happiness. If you don’t know me, try. I was so proud for her I almost popped right there. And even though I already knew she didn’t make the finals, when I saw her not make the finals on that big screen I cried for her. Nuts to all those other talented people.

So congratulations, Clé, you are Best Thing Today! and I mean that with all my heart. You’re talented, you’re beautiful and your voice makes the angels jealous.

On the side, does anyone know how I might go about calling Thomas Hampson? In that broadcast he said something about young singers with a particularly unhealthy way of talking to themselves inside their own heads should call him and I fully mean to do this.

I’ll let you know how this goes.

An Amendment:

2009-04-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

My mother was very disappointed that I left Elmer’s Gold Brick Eggs off of my list of candies deserving points. She’s right. They’re yummy. Notoriously hard to find outside of the south, but still worthy of praise.

Sweet Zombie Jesus!

2009-04-12T19:26:00.000-07:00

Is it fitting and appropriate or lame and cliche to award Best Thing Today! to a candy on Easter Sunday?

Eh. You're not the judge here, I am! And I say that Cold Stone Creamery Jelly Bellys deserve a spot on the Best Thing Today! wall of fame. Seriously, have you tasted these things yet? Don't get me wrong, I'm not too keen on the high price, but apparently the Homeland on NW Expressway has Jelly Bellys on sale until Wednesday for like half-price and the husband-to-be-someday-when-we-actually-pick-a-date-and-do-some-kind-of-planning picked some up for my Easter delight.

Of course, I have always been a big fan of the jelly bean. But if you're craving Jelly Bellys specifically, trust me, don't go for the CVS brand knock off. It's way cheaper for a reason. The "Buttered Popcorn" flavor takes like wax and most of the others taste like puke. Now is not the time to be a Scrooge.

Other Easter candies of note, receiving ten points each for merit and deliciousness: SweetTart Jelly Beans, Cadbury Mini Eggs, and Reese's Eggs. I'd give ten points to Ferrero Rocher Eggs, except all they do is stack up their candies in a little plastic egg and that's not terribly ingenious. I could do that myself if I really wanted to.

I know I'm rattling at least one cage with this, but Cadbury Creme Eggs had better watch themselves. If they didn't make David so deliriously happy I'd be taking so many points away that the good folks at Cadbury might have a collective massive coronary event. What is in those things? It's like pure sugar and mucus.

Gross.

P.S. One more shout out to Matt Groening and the Futurama crew.

Behold! Our very first winner!

2009-04-08T16:25:00.000-07:00

Not being one to rock the boat on my first venture into blogging, I have chosen a very safe and agreeable, but still sometimes inspirational person for the Best Thing Today!

Congratulations to Matt Groening, creator of many things animated, who is Best Thing Today!

Why Matt Groening? Well, I'm afraid it's not his hard work on the popular show featuring America's favorite dysfunctional family that hammered me over the head and gave me my happiest moment of the day. No, there is a different story behind this, as I am expecting most Best Thing Today! moments will have.

The story begins in, of all places, 20th Century music theory class. And I'll be honest here, today was one of those days where I was just not excited to go to that particular class. Actually, most days most of the class isn't excited to be there. Just as I began to zone out at the beginning of the lecture on the music of Olivier Messiaen I happened to catch a few words about the particular piece we were looking supposed to be looking at in our books. "The title," the professor said, "comes from the words Turanga and Lila." "I know those words," my inner monologue says to itself, "That's from Futurama!" Involuntarily, some kind of audible outburst sprang from my mouth, although I don't remember for the life of me what it was. I guarantee it was pretty unsettling for everyone in the vicinity.

The professor went on to mention that Matt Groening did indeed lift the name of Messiaen's symphony as a character in one of his shows. (See: Turanga Leela) Incidentally the title translates to "love song," a name I find fitting for this particular character and I'm sure other Futurama buffs can agree.

Looking back on it, this story might need a "And then I found five dollars" tacked on the end to up the 'interesting factor' a bit, but surely you can all still give Matt some credit. Messiaen fan or not (apparently he's a big one though) the man has still given us all a laugh at least once, and looking past the mainstream Simpsons, his work on Futurama has given a significant population of nerds more than one good inside chuckle. And if he listens to Messiaen, he's probably got a pretty good brain up in that head.

Congrats again to Matt, but Olivier, you're not walking away empty handed. 10 points to you for your use of the crazy ondes Martenot (10 points to you if you look this one up on your own) and a healthy 20 point bonus for making me pay close attention in music theory for an entire class. Good job!

And then I found five dollars.

Welcome to the "Best Thing Today! Awards"

2009-04-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of my awesome cousin's most entertaining blog enjoyyourshow.blogspot.com I have decided to launch the "Best Thing Today! Awards." While my (al)most favorite relation tackles reviewing the best and worst of what Hollywood spits out (as well as the worst of the gene pool that come to watch) I will take down a much vaster foe, sifting through the day's events to hand out the much coveted Best Thing Today! prize.

Here's the rules kids: The Best Thing Today! award can go to anything, anyone, any place, or can even be awarded to an event or phrase uttered out of some lucky person's mouth. It must however, be fantastic in some way, be it fantastically good, bad, intelligent, creative or just plan unbelievable.

Occasionally, runners up for a Best Thing Today! will be awarded points for their valiant effort. Points generally come in packs of 10, and look out world, they can be taken away as well! So far this game has many winners, but only one real loser. If you have to ask who it is, it could be you!

Unfortunately, we all know not all days will have an extraordinary moment worthy of Best Thing Today! In fact, some days will just plain suck. On that note, it is my hope that I will only hand out the abysmally shameful title of "Worst Thing Today" on rare occasion, but that doesn't mean I'm afraid to dish it out. Gotta keep everyone on their toes.

So, now that we've established how this game is played, be on the lookout for the first, monumental Best Thing Today! to be crowned very soon!